I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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