He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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