that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
