you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
