I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
