I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
