I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
