Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
