I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
