oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
