i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She announced her abortion via fbk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
