Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
