It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
