If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
