it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
