It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
