I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
