i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
