since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize