Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The ass gains better be worth it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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