so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
