shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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