My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
