connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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