she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Pooping to opera.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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