I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
