you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize