My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
