So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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