Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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