Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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