I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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