I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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