I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
