Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
