Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
