id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
