Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
