Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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