You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
