Acid is not a monday night drug
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
