She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize