i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
