I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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