tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
