Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
