dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
