Need sex. Gaining weight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
