I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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