My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
