I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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