I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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