Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
