I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
