My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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