you have to choose: penises or morals?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
