he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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