So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
