I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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