so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
