I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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