he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
