Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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