did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
