I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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