oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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