So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
