u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
