Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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