mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
