My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
NoShamevember. You game?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
