Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
