Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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