She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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