my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
