I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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