i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
