I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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