You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
