So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
