Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize