and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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