U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
