i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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