Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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