so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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