I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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