am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
