So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
