I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Randomize
