Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've blown a few things in my day
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
