Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
