You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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