By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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