My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
