I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
