So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
