the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
