I just threw up on my dentist
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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