Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
