He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
