stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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