It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
