Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
