I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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