i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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